[If you like humor, you may be interested in reading For Your Eyes and Ears Only]

Published in: on February 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Are you my mother?

Please tell me I’m a two-headed, 4-armed monster, with the strength of Mr. Incredible and know-it all of Yoda. For then I will truly know and understand why:

  • I should be able to smile through my tears
  • In a moments notice be asked to plan, organize, and coordinate a dance routine for four screaming 9 year old girls 
  • I spend my weekends making home-made ballet tutus
  • I give choices between A or B and am told why C is better
  • We both have the same exact food or drink, but mine seems to taste better
  • I’m supposed to remember everything
  • It’s my fault that the sandwich was soggy, and I forgot to pack the juice box
  • I feel guilty for not attending every classroom party or school event
  • I should have endless ideas for dinner
  • Mommy just does it better!

  Is it just me; or have you had one of these days too?

Published in: on February 23, 2011 at 9:19 am  Comments (8)  
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Grown Folks Business


In your relationships are you the talker or a listener? Do you feel the need to be in control all the time, or is it okay with you to let your partner take charge? The reason I’m asking is because a recent conversation with my husband spawned the comment: 

 Most women do not listen to their man! Whether it be in the bedroom -OR- the boardroom.

Is this true? Or do you LISTEN within reason? I know the first thing most of you will say is that it all depends on what it is. Because of course, nobody wants to feel like your significant other is your ‘Daddy’, or you’re being told what to do either. 

Even more interesting is the fact that when a woman does ask her spouse for his opinion or advice about something she will generally follow-up with the same question to a close girlfriend or confidant.  And then depending on the outcome of that extended conversation, decide what she should do. Why is that? 

On the subject of  listening in the bedroom; that’s a whole other situation in itself.  Both men and women have an equal role to play in satisfying the needs of each other.  I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

 What you won’t do, another women will.  

So, are you open and willing to exlore new experiences with your partner that will arouse and enhance your love life?  Or are you stuck in the same old routine of things?

What I wonder is if the reason sometimes women get the – I’m gonna do what I want to attitude, has anything to do with women devaluing the man in a relationship.  Especially nowadays that most families are a two-income household with women sometimes earning just as much if not more than their spouses. Could these all be contributing factors to the woman’s belief that she knows best?

What’s your take on all of this sistahs? Do you agree with my husband’s assumption that most women do not listen to their man? Or do you believe this is just another attempt for the man to have the upper hand in the relationship?

Published in: on February 10, 2011 at 9:31 am  Comments (1)  
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Do You Know Your Footprint?

If you are already in the habit of recycling, conscience about the conservation of water, and preservation of the Earth’s beauty than you are probably familiar with the term ecological footprint.  It is a means of measuring the amount of human consumption of land and sea that a person uses in their everyday lives and the earth’s ability to basically keep up with it.  If humanity does not begin to scale back to a more simplistic lifestyle, void of waste, eventually what can happen is the demand for space will become too great for the Earth until it is no longer capable of sustaining such high expectations.

The same could be said for a psychological footprint.  Which would measure the amount of emotional energy that a person expends every day on things that rob and deplete your life sources of the body’s daily requirements.  If we are not careful to replenish ourselves mentally we can exhaust all of our reserves and begin to run on fumes causing us to have detrimental breaking points in our framework. 

Be mindful of your daily footprint, take stock of your emotional capacity, and know your limits.

Published in: on February 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm  Comments (2)  


by guest author Melissa Ricks,

For women, our hair is a very important part of who we are. Not for you? Well, I’m sure you spent that extra five minutes today primping and prepping because you really don’t care….NOT. We all care about our hair because it is one of the first things people notice when they see us. It is our crown. But do we put too much emphasis on our hair?

For the sistas it has been a tried and true testament of expression, devotion, career moves and at times dedication. We all sang the lyrics of India Arie “I am not my hair” with great pause and conviction because it allowed us to say “yeah” I am not my hair, I am not your expectations no no, I am not my hair, I am a soul that lives within. Can we really relate to India?

I think back to the days of youth when my mother’s entire goal for two weeks before the next hair washing was “don’t get your hair wet.” I missed out on so many swim days because the 2 hours of wash, blow dry and hot comb just wasn’t worth it. As I got older, I recall going on vacation to the Keyes with my then sweetie, now hubby. Of course one of the first things I did before boarding the plane was get my then permed hair “freshly DID” at the salon. When we hit the beach to my companion’s dismay my first words were “I can’t get my hair wet.”

Today, many sistas have called it quits with the stress of trying to keep the permed tresses straight. Many of us have returned to “Natural.” Is the stress any better? Or is it just different? Recently, I decided that wearing my “do” hair-brush short for the last 10 years was boring. I began growing my hair out. My hubby immediately said “you are trading-in your $15, low maintenance hair-do for a $100, all day in the salon, gonna be hot in the summer, hair do?” I thought to myself, “yeah, why do I want to do this again?” But I continued on my journey. The looks that I received from my corporate co-workers were nothing less than hilarious to me. Each day my bush got bigger, until one day I decided, I will wear a wig to help me through this transition. Well, they loved the wig. But today I am rocking the shoulder length kinky twist, and they are, well…silent.

Sistas, how are we preparing our daughters for the hair journey? I was determined that my daughter was not going to miss out on any fun due to the fear of getting her hair wet. So if the fun includes water, I say go for it! I am very cautious about not using any negative comments as I manage through her thickness. When she wants “shaker hair” (the ability to be able to shake her hair) I spend the time to cornrow and add beads. When I see her pining to have a little more bounce to her hair, I either let her play with my wigs or blow dry her hair out a little. I truly want my daughter to be able to embrace who she is and say with total conviction: My hair….it’s not an issue! It is one of the forms in which I express who I am, but it is not me!

And for our sistas with the not so course texture…well, I know you all have a journey too! One of my co-workers, who is of Irish decent, amazed me when she said she goes to the salon every 6 weeks to get her hair thinned (the process by which special scissors are used to thin out some of the layers) because it is too thick.

Another complains of her hair being too curly; and another complains of her hair being too straight. So we all go through some sort of process of getting our hair….perfect. But what is perfect: short, curly, kinky, permed, colored, fried, dyed, laid to the side???? I don’t know, but does it really matter? I’m living my crown with glory. What about you?

For The Sake Of Our Children…Lies We Tell

In our incessant search for something to believe in, the familiar to hold on to, have we become liars?  

My recent encounter with dispelling the lies was this past Christmas when I unveiled to my daughter that Santa Clause was not real.  Just a few days ago, my daughter lost a tooth.  Well, here we go again.  Placing blame for our lies on the sake of tradition.  It all begins when we are children.  Our parents tell us these fairy tale stories of  princesses, prince charming, fairies, and super heroes.  When we grow up, we continue to embed these untruths in the minds of our young daughters that this knight in shining armor will swoop them away into their happily ever after. Likening them to damsels in distress that will always need to be rescued.

The beginning of my lie occurred 4 years ago at the sight of my daughter’s first lost tooth.  “Now put this tooth under your pillow, and the tooth fairy will be sure to bring you something special,” I told her.  The usual hidden treasures that she would awaken to the next mornings became any change that I could scurry up around the house, or sometimes a mommy-made coupon that would allow for a special dessert or fun outing.  As she became older, whenever she lost a tooth she would daintily place the tooth in an envelope with a note on the front of it, that read “Dear Tooth Fairy, No money please”.  Over time, I could plainly see that I had this tooth fairy gig cut out for me.  Gone were the days of loose change and home made things, oh no, she wanted and asked for more.  I began to keep a box chock full of little goodies that I would pick up from time to time during my shopping so that I would always have something “special” from the tooth fairy to give to her. 

Fast forward to the most recent happenings. My daughter says, “I wonder what the tooth fairy is going to bring me tonight.”   I just knew that I had something in my box that I could make magically appear in the morning for her, so I didn’t give it much thought. But, unfortunately to my surprise, when I opened my goody box I realized that I let my supply get low and had absolutely nothing to place under her pillow that night. What ever would I do?  It was too late to go to the store.  I made up my mind that instant that I would just simply tell her that the tooth fairy must have been so busy last night and would probably come by the next night.  Of course, she woke up disappointed.  During the course of the day I told myself to remember to pick up something for the tooth fairy while I was out.  I forgot!  Two mornings later, this 9 year old was not a happy little camper.  All I heard was “why mommy?”, and “where is she?”.  I decided that damn it, this would be the day.  No more would I continue this tale of lies.  So as gently as possible I asked her if she believed that a fairy really came to our house at night to bring her a gift for exchange of her tooth?  She kind of shrugged her shoulders and looked down and screeched, “So now you’re telling me that the tooth fairy isn’t real either?!”  As she burst into tears I held her tight and comforted her with these words, “No matter what, mommy’s love for you will always be real”. 

At that moment I wasn’t for sure if what I had done was to protect her from further disappointment or if it was out of spite for not receiving recognition all those years of pretending to be the tooth fairy.  What I do know is that it takes a brave momma to love her child so deeply that she will go leaps and bounds to make them happy.  I hope that one day she will understand. Bravery is in truth.

Get in on the conversation and let me know whether you think I did the right thing? Also, what are your thoughts on how fairy tales and super heroes impact our lives in the following ways:

1. Ability to form healthy relationships

2. Creating unrealistic expectations

3. Projecting negative self-image and body disorders

[image credit:]

Published in: on January 19, 2011 at 10:30 am  Comments (8)  
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Good Things To Come for 2011

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